As humans, we often strive for perfection and success in every aspect of our lives. We want to be the best, to achieve our goals, and to never make mistakes. However, what if being wrong is not such a bad thing?

Our ideas and creations are very personal and close to our hearts; we believe in them wholeheartedly and are sure they are the best. We generally don’t like it when someone challenges and proves us wrong; we start losing self-confidence. We become vulnerable to ridicule. When we make mistakes, we often feel embarrassed or ashamed. And the cycle begins. The fear of failure and rejection often hold us back from taking risks and trying new things. When we fear being wrong, we usually stick to what we know and avoid trying new things.

But this is precisely when we must muster the courage, accept the feedback, learn and improve. The recognition and acceptance of where we went wrong make us resilient and more robust and slowly define our character. It can encourage creativity; stepping outside our comfort zones and trying new things opens us up to new ideas and perspectives.

I believe being proven wrong is actually good. Thank you to you all who help me grow.

Take care, and take care of each other.

We continuously watch ourselves. Deep down in our hearts, we know who we are, how we behave and treat others, and how we react when someone challenges us, even slightly.

Or do we really know who we are?

When we get into defensive mode. Judge others, form opinions and justify our behaviour. It shows the standards we have set for ourselves and a clear evidence of who we are.

I don’t think we continuously watch our conduct and responses. For that, we need to be aware, listen with intent, and detach from the emotions triggered in that situation. If we can do that, we can set standards for ourselves. No one else can tell us what those standards should be.

Take care, and take care of each other.

How long do we reflect, assuming we build a practice, a deliberate ritual setting aside time for reflection?

I struggle to build a consistent practice. Reflection triggers in me whenever something unexpected happens. More often than not, something of dislike, unpleasant and painful. The period following immediately after presents a potent and fertile ground for significant and potentially life-altering decisions. It’s a period when I come face to face with myself and have a heart-to-heart conversation. That’s when I am most intimate with myself, full of self-love and kindness. That’s why the decisions made during this time have influenced my life significantly.

But the question is, how long does this period of reflection last?

After some time, things get back to normal, and that shiny “new” becomes mundane until something unexpected happens, again. The circle completes.

Still pondering on the life span of reflection.

Take care, and take care of each other.

Staring at the blank page, waiting for ideas to visit me to write about. It is surprising because my mind is full of constant chatter. Never at rest, not even for a moment; a pursuit of scores of people embarked on this journey (think of silent retreats, meditations, mindfulness sessions). Thoughts come and go, uninvited. But when I write, it is challenging to decide what to write about.

For quite some time, I have been thinking of writing. Always put it off because of one reason or other. Procrastination in overdrive. Convinced me why there are better times than this; I am busy and need to finish this first. Told me stories I wanted to hear.

While reflecting between Christmas and New Year’s eve, I decided to experiment.

Start writing.

People I look up to told me that when I start writing, there’ll be crappy first drafts. But don’t worry, and keep writing. Gather the courage to put your pen on the paper. It won’t be easy, but you must overcome that resistance. Btw, “Courage” is a topic very dear to my heart. I’ll keep coming back to this.

Life is too short to miss something you really want to do. Why not do it while you can? Who cares if it is a crappy first draft? Oh, that feeling is so liberating.

Take care, and take care of each other.

Long-lasting intimate mentor/mentee relationships are rare. Of course, there are many reasons why such relationships do not last long. But mostly, for an honest, caring relationship, the onus lies on the mentee.

As a mentee, have an open mind to take feedback. When you act on it, it is a sign of respect. Think about what you contribute to the relationship.

Being a mentor shows love and kindness because she gives a part of herself. It’s a selfless act. As a mentee, we are responsible for showing respect with reciprocity.

I am very grateful to my mentors in my life for their guidance. Also, thanks to everyone who is helping others in any way, small and big. The world is beautiful because of your kindness and selflessness.

Take care, and take care of each other.

This is a question I have been grappling with for some time. The search for answers continues still. Also, note that this “enough” is only in the context of materials.

We human beings are clever. We tell stories we want to hear. Always find arguments and logic and convince ourselves of whatever we we are after.

Once we get these, we are excited and even feel proud of ourselves, only momentarily. It does not last long enough. The things we want so badly, for which we probably sacrifice our health, peace of mind, and valuable family time, become routine. The cycle starts again with the new things we go after.

How long till we know enough is enough?

Continuing from yesterday’s thought on facing change.

The mere thought of accepting self-doubt is terrifying. It gently creeps up around 3am to have a face-to-face conversation. The heart pounds faster and louder with every passing minute. The night's stillness and pin-drop silence amplify the heartbeat's sound.

What is Self Doubt?
How does it develop?
Are there signals along the way which we ignore, knowingly or unknowingly?

We all have our own answers to these questions. Self-doubt starts taking root when we do not create but cater. When we do not give power and energy to our creative calling. Catering slowly pulls us into a comfort zone. Makes us dependent on what is readily available with minimum effort and almost no accountability. It is easy because we are not challenged.

And one day, self-doubt surfaces when the reality check knocks on our door at 3am. Fear of losing what we take for granted engulfs us.

That is a wake-up call and time to gather courage. Have faith in ourselves. Face the unknown head-on. Take responsibility, and start creating.

“Change is the only constant.”

We’ve heard it countless times. We live it almost daily. Yet, it’s difficult to accept.

Why?

Is it the fear of the unknown and uncertainty?
Or is it because it forces us to get out of our comfort zone?
What about courage?

Do we ever have original thoughts and ideas? Not influenced by others? Lately, I have been occupied by these questions and trying to find the answers.

Most of the time, we go through the motions. Reacting. Rarely responding. A response requires thinking through the circumstances, our response, and its consequences. That time spent thinking, is it original? Or is it based on our past memories and experiences?

We convince ourselves of its originality, but we are influenced by the books we read, the conversations we have with people, and the media we consume. We start identifying with these thoughts and ideas, thinking they are fresh, different, and not mainstream. It gives us the feeling that we are different than others around us.

Still, I don’t think these are our original thoughts and ideas. We work on these. Develop, refine, and present to the world by filtering through our memories and experiences. Some of these may resonate with our readers as new. When they do, the journey continues.

Answers to these questions elude me. Until my search ends, I depend on everything and everyone around me in this world. And what a beautiful world it is, of which you are part.

During the break between Christmas and New Year, we are relaxed; we spend time with our family, friends, and people close to us. With little going on, we use this time for reflection on the work front as well as personal.

It is human nature to do more, create, contribute, value, and live up to our true potential. There is always an intrinsic desire to live a fulfilled life for personal satisfaction. An honest reflection encourages us to do what we could not do in the past year. We convince ourselves that that was our old self, but we will be different in the new year. With a resolute mind, we'll achieve all we set ourselves to.

Maintaining our focus, drive, and motivation throughout the year is another day's topic.

surrender, trust

The peace I felt when there was no thought, no desire.

Ready to leave the world at that moment without hesitation. A life lived without regret. A feeling of pure bliss in deep silence without a slight murmur. As if I was complete, everything was present, ready to go.

Where does surrender play a role?

Where does trust play a role? To be continued …

Keep reminding myself not to judge anyone based on their behavior. Because I don't know what's going on in people's lives. Lately, there's been a continuous chatter in my mind.

Why is it?

Cold it be because of my ambitions to achieve goals, a higher position, larger bonus, rewards, praise, recognition and acknowledgment?

How to remain unaffected by all these?

What does it say about my inner state?

How can I be peaceful?

How can I feel fulfilled?

When we give feedback wrapped as a "Gift", we actually do disservice to our receiver. We sugarcoat what we really want to say but don't. We don't want to upset the receiver because we fear our relationship may suffer. We want to be nice and don't want to have a difficult conversation. Deep inside our own hearts, we know ourselves better than anyone else. If it is true then we are dealing with our own insecurities.

If you really care about someone, and want them to improve, have a very honest conversation. Don't be emotional. Feedback should be fact based. The most important  element of the feedback is to provide actionable guidance and pointers. This is the real "Gift".

Yet, we remain speechless,

become mere spectators,

not at peace with ourselves,

Yet, we remain speechless.

This is the choice we make,

and suffer in silence,

Yet, we remain speechless.

The suppressed sounds of people speaking, coming out of my headphones.

Headphones not over my ears, but on the table,

listening to these sounds appear as whispers.

After I listened to the sounds, I noticed the ringing doorbell. Did not expect anyone at this time of the day, all sorts of thoughts started running in my mind. Is it someone from the neighboring flats? Is it someone from my family? It can't be. Kids are in school and Gurpreet just left for work an hour ago. She can't be home so early. I got up from my chair walking briskly towards the door, getting ready to face the unexpected.

It was Ankita, our younger daughter. The moment I saw her, the first thought that crossed my mind was if everything is alright? Why is she home so early?

Thinking hard what to  write. I can start from the sensations I am feeling in my body. That would be easy, I tell myself. The way I am sitting on my chair. The way I am hugging the front legs of my wooden chair with my bare feet. I feels cold. But only  for the first couple of  minutes. My body heat has warmed the wooden legs which are no more cold.

I am trying to be still, so still and quiet that  I intend to listen my beating heart. A few moments pass by, I am focused on listening to my beating heart. And yes! I can listen to beats. Only the thuds of my heart inside the  body. All thoughts cease to exist. Only the thuds.

I tried to listen in with my headphones on. It feels easier to listen with the headphones. Perhaps the cancellation of external sounds helped.

There has been a constant internal dialogue with myself to start writing. Thoughts of writing for 10 minutes every morning, even if its a few sentences. It's been a constant struggle just to start. I do write some days as part of daily writing practice which is more of expressing my gratitude for all the things I am blessed with in my life. Many times I think I should start writing blog posts to me, for me. Start capturing my thoughts based on observations and people interactions.

I remember ...

We were on the rooftop of our ancestral house in Amritsar, India. Indian Air Force jets flew past a couple of times, leaving behind deafening thunder and piercing the quiet evening skies. I a flash they were gone, vanishing in the distant horizons.

I was probably 4-5 years old. People were talking about the war which had broken between India and Pakistan. As a child I had no idea why there was a war. Everybody was talking about it. Without knowing, we, a couple of children from the neighborhood were playing soldiers and enemy game. We used to talk passionately how we wanted to be soldiers and fight the war.

I clearly remember that I wanted to be a commando in the Indian Army. During a battle we'd be air dropped into the enemy territory at night. How we will kill enemy soldiers using machine guns.

I often wonder how such patriotism came to a 4-5 years old child. What influenced those thoughts, behavior and resolve at such a tender age.

Our days would pass by playing together with other children. I vividly remember one conversation where we used to say that we should always tune into Pakistan radio stations to burn all their electricity. How silly.